Not for all men the period of pregnancy of the wife passes cloudlessly: sometimes this period is accompanied by severe stresses from the man, misunderstanding of what happens with his pious, and generally total loss from the "usual" relationship. And it can be connected both with the peculiarities of the man himself and with the peculiarities of the situation itself.
Let's see what causes, at times, at least the strange behavior of women in the process of carrying a child, as well as the factors of disagreement encountered in this stressful period.
Physiology and psychology of pregnancy - where do legs of changes grow?
Psychology of pregnancy
Of course, all men who have had the experience of expecting a child will unanimously point out serious changes in the behavior and habits of his wife, which over time can have a grotesque character. For example, many women have some strange "protective rituals."
Fig. 1 - The basis of some changes in the behavior of his wife, biological factors - the woman ensures the safety of the fetus.
The basis of psychological changes are purely biological factors. The woman as the carrier of the child must first ensure the safety of the fetus. And in such a mission, often unconscious, all means are good. Here you can see tearfulness, and the desire to reduce contact with her husband (at a certain stage), and sometimes even explosiveness and aggressive behavior.
On the other hand, social stereotypes influence psychological changes during pregnancy: for example, if a socially significant group (for example, parents, friends, colleagues) approves of pregnancy, most changes in character will be calm, like the mentioned concern for comfort, shifting responsibility to a husband; if for any reason pregnancy is assessed as inappropriate, then the behavior will change in the appropriate direction: aggressiveness, tearfulness, and depressive mood may appear.
Such changes in the behavior of the wife necessarily affect the relationship in the couple, and indeed the psychological state of the man. We will talk about overcoming below.
It is obvious that a large number of changes in the behavior of the wife, which sometimes complicate the lives of men, are associated with the physiological component of pregnancy. The hormonal sphere undergoes serious changes; the work of neurohormones regulating brain activity also changes. From here there are sharp drops in mood, activity, abnormal for pregnant women, or vice versa - a complete breakdown.
Fig. 2 - Mood swings, apathy, change in taste habits - all this is a consequence of physiological changes that should be borne in mind by a man.
The rhythms of sleep-wakefulness, diet and even its composition can change: and not because it is necessary, but because the body itself takes its own way. Some irritability of pregnant women can also originate in physiology: the body begins to spend several times more resources to ensure the functioning of the fetus, but not always, these resources are restored to the full.
Sometimes it happens that the blame for the psychological discomfort of a man during the pregnancy of his wife is not connected with changes in the behavior of the woman, but with his own "problem" areas. As a rule, readiness for reactions of a certain type is laid in adolescence and childhood. For example, if a man liked to be the object of unconditional love of his wife (a somewhat narcissistic person), then during pregnancy the husband, as it were, had to share the love of his woman with an unborn child.
Fig. 3 - Displacement of the vector of attention of a woman in a position on herself, is perceived by infantile men as a personal insult.
Decreases in the level of attention to oneself from a woman can be assessed as an insult or loss of interest, and with actual narcissistic tendencies destructive reactions, such as alcohol, drugs, or adultery may appear. And these are not women's problems, but some infantilism of a man, with whom it is required to work within the framework of therapy.
And how to live with it?
Many problems arise, they are similar, and yet each of them is absolutely unique. Let's see what to do in specific cases. Consider the three most common problems:
- feeling of jealousy;
- loss of emotional contact with the wife;
- fear of the unknown.
Jealousy and loss of contact
First, noticing unpleasant experiences, you should not go for open accusations and confrontation with your wife: this is harmful for the relationship and for the child . At some point, you just have to admit that something does not suit you / is angry at the situation of pregnancy and you need to isolate what and why?
Do not think that the man in the family - is the center of the world. Rejecting this idea is already becoming easier to experience the situation, and just find a common language with his wife. Even the actual detachment of the wife from your affairs is not evidence of a loss of interest, rather it is a logical switch to your well-being.
In such cases, you can just talk about what you feel . In this case, it is good to adhere to the following rules:
- talk about your feelings: not “you ignore me”, but “I feel abandoned”;
- recognize the piquancy of the situation;
- ask for the opinion of the other party;
- and invent solutions together.
Sometimes tensions are removed in fairly easy ways (why should you just listen to what your wife tells you on Sunday evening, or just take a walk, or play a board game?). A conversation about feelings only strengthens the relationship, if we consider the interests of the other side.
Fear of the unknown
The biggest problem of young families. Often, during the pregnancy of his wife, men begin to overcome a strong sense of incomprehensible anxiety, which is naturally associated with a change in the system of relationships. This anxiety is most often connected with the fact that young couples simply do not know what will happen next, what life will require of them .
Sometimes these experiences, especially if they are found in a woman, can lead to very serious discord. It is this uncertainty that causes the rupture of some couples.
Fortunately, the lost continuity of family traditions today is compensated by a large number of training and educational groups. There are many courses of the “young father”, pair classes and seminars about family changes in connection with the birth of a child.
Usually, visiting such “circles” has a beneficial effect on relationships within the couple, and on the willingness to change their lives with the birth of a child. After all, it is the awareness, openness to each other and the willingness to change together in the best way that helps both men and women to overcome such an important and difficult stage of building a family as pregnancy.
Psychologist Borisov, O. B.