Self-confidence is what we sometimes lack. But what is the problem and how to overcome this invisible barrier of uncertainty, which sometimes creates serious obstacles in our way? Before proceeding to some of the recommendations, let's see what is behind the term "confidence."

Man and his confidence

The social animal is the main characteristic of any person, given to us by the American social psychologist Elliot Aronson. And indeed, we are born, we grow up and wither in society - regardless of our position in it. And it is with the social side of confidence that problems often arise. It is obvious that the society sets some ideals of a masculine character, and the possible inconsistency with these norms leads to self-doubt.

So self-confidence - what are its basic elements?

  • self-esteem - the foundation of confidence, if your image of “Self” does not suit you, then where can you get confidence from?
  • self-distancing - the ability to remove yourself from the situation for a second and look at what is happening “from the balcony” in order to evaluate your actions. Impossibility to evaluate oneself undermines confidence in the correctness of one’s actions;
  • activity is not her, there is no need to doubt your abilities. However, it is in action that we recognize ourselves and gain confidence in our abilities. The passive position leads not only to uncertainty, but in general to the absence of such a concept in life.

These are the most important, but not all, psychological roots of confidence.

But there is an important note: to look confident and to be sure are not identical concepts .

It’s not so difficult to look confident, there are dozens of recipes for “solid appearance”. But how to survive and live your own confidence? About this below.

The recipe for confidence: help yourself

To become confident you need not only to follow a certain recipe, but also to give up bad habits. Let's see what needs to be done to gain confidence.

You are not perfect

Уверенность в себе и перфекционизм And there are no perfect people. Therefore, it is worthwhile to part with teenage maximalism to do everything perfectly. Often it is neurotic perfectionism that turns a man into a completely insecure creature. We can not do everything perfectly, each of us has an objective right to make a mistake.

It is not rare that such a striving for the “ideal” is laid in the family, but at some point our parents no longer define our life, so it’s worth taking the time to analyze where you really are and where the parents are told? It may well be that this is enough - the past can influence us, but our life happens here-and-now.

But not bad

And, despite the rejection of perfectionism, do not forget about professional competence. You should not be limited in your profession to university education and personal experience. Simply become better at the expense of discussing workflows with the gurus of your area, attend topical seminars and trainings, if there is such an opportunity. Professional self-improvement and purposeful development should be a powerful impetus to gain confidence.

Staying in the trend, you are very clear about what is happening in your field of activity. And it is precisely the new flow of knowledge and skills that represents the foundation on which confidence is built in its competence, and on its strength in itself and in itself. If you have information and know how to use it, then how can you be unsure of yourself?

Relationship to others

Another source of our uncertainty is the fear of a negative or unpleasant assessment from the outside. But such an assessment may be biased, simply because you are ... not a very pleasant conversationalist. But it is on communication that our whole life is built. Develop communication and rhetorical skills: the ability to speak concisely and convey thoughts to others gives confidence by the fact that you will surely be understood .

Навыки общения и уверенность

Fig. 1 - Developing communication skills helps overcome self-doubt.

Do not forget that dialogue is not only verbal contact, but also a huge baggage of non-verbal means through which our feelings and emotions are expressed. If you say, then talk about what you know, if you ask, be prepared to hear the answer. And in the end, use the emotions in the dialogue.

Responsibility for yourself

Another reason for the lack of self-confidence is the conviction that your life is beyond any control. When everything goes by gravity is really hard to feel confident. Writing off everything on fate - it is easy to be on the outskirts of life.

So, self-confidence is based on responsibility for the quality of your life. Consciously accepting responsibility for everything that happens to us, the willingness to say “no” to unacceptable things for us - this is another way to gain confidence in yourself.

Self acceptance

If you do not agree with who you are, then you will surely lose three things: peace of mind, happiness of being, and confidence. And all these three factors are closely related: confidence in its “I can” and its usefulness determines the whole quality of life. But our possibilities are not limitless. We possess both weak and strong points in our subjective sensation. And we must learn to accept them post factum, if there is no possibility to change something.

In psychology, our weaknesses are often called filters - they complicate the process of interaction with other people, and a large number of such filters simply upset our peace of mind and confidence in the correctness of our “I”.

Awareness of your weaknesses and agreement that they really affect your life will not help you in getting rid of them, but it will greatly facilitate control over them. By gaining power over your weaknesses, you gain confidence that you can control and take responsibility for your life.

Affirmations for self confidence for men

“I am calm and confident, my life is under my control” - you can start your morning with this phrase, but you should not lose sight of the fact that affirmation is a very delicate process. Of course, through persuasion, it is really possible to create an attitude of confidence, but will it work if the problems listed above are not worked out? Moreover, in objectively difficult conditions, the creation of artificial confidence looks grotesque, and does not lead to anything good, except to neurotic episodes.

Confirmation of confidence makes sense only when you acknowledge the responsibility for what is happening to you, including failures.

Only openness to our experiences and the outside world creates powerful energy for a really working affirmation. If you do not believe in what you say and do not agree with responsibility, then there is no point in self-deception.

Affirmations video on confidence and not only

A good way to feel your “Self” and at the same time to gain a sense of confidence in yourself and your life is also helped by reading specialized literature. There is such a thing as bibliotherapy - the treatment of "knowledge." Below we will offer a list of authors, articles and books that somehow unfold the problem of the integrity of our “Self” and the problems of finding oneself by men (that is, self-confidence).

Книги по уверенности в себе

Fig. 2 - Reading specialized literature will help to better understand their experiences and solve them.

Let's start with the articles of Alfried Lang :

  1. live meaningfully;
  2. reach out to life;
  3. living is authentic;
  4. experiencing loneliness;
  5. find harmony with life.

As well as many other articles devoted to the theory and practice of acquiring semantic guidelines, and with them - self-confidence. We will also recommend books and articles by Victor Frankl , in particular, “Say Life Yes!”.

At first glance, the names of publications do not reflect the problem of self-confidence, but de facto real confidence (and understanding) is acquired by a man when he is able to accept himself present, with the right to his life and mistakes. But this is already a separate, global and interesting problem that goes beyond the scope of our subject matter. Behind this, we will finish our article and wish our readers to gain faith in their own strength and to comprehend their existence - that is, “good being.”

Psychologist Borisov, O. B.

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